


Say You'll Remember Me (Even if It's Just in Your Wildest Dreams)

by clarissa_writes



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Affairs, Angst, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Cheating, Don’t copy to another site, F/M, Infidelity, Mutual Pining, Secret Relationship, Song: Wildest Dreams (Taylor Swift), Yikes, sebastian loves you, you love sebastian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 21:03:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18724951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarissa_writes/pseuds/clarissa_writes
Summary: Not even the gold ring around his finger could stop the overflowing emotion he felt for you.-might write a Bucky version





	Say You'll Remember Me (Even if It's Just in Your Wildest Dreams)

 

_He said, "Let's get out of this town_  
_Drive out of the city_  
_Away from the crowds"_  
_I thought heaven can't help me now_  
_Nothing lasts forever_  
_But this is gonna take me down_  
_He's so tall, and handsome as hell_  
_He's so bad but he does it so well_  
_I can see the end as it begins, my one condition is_

 

His hands roam over the swell of your breasts, grasping at the supple flesh with sharp edged desire. His lips trail down the side of your face with fluttering kisses. You reach for him. Fingers grab at any available skin left to touch. Hands that sculpture and trace over lines and ridges of the other's body. Soft, heavy breaths filling the empty room as you both sink into the claws of passion. No thought of consequence, the guilt, the forbiddances of this sin. The fruit of your mistakes within this room, arms wound around his neck, pulling him closer as a lover would. As if he weren't in a loveless marriage. As if he hadn't had a gold ring around his ring finger biting into your skin as he held your hands above your head.  

 

No other words are exchanged, just heavy breaths panted out and whispers of the other's name.

 

Your back arches, mouth falling open as he thrusts harder against you. His grip on your hips are tight, his pace unrelenting as he burns himself into you. You could feel it. With each punishing rut against you, he engraves himself deeper and deeper into your soul. Marks you with himself. It was passed the point of being able to forget. Passed the point of return. Passed the point of pretending everything was fine. That this was okay.

It's not.

 

"Fuck-"

Sebastian thrusts harder. His face falls to the crook of your neck, lips sucking at the tender flesh of your throat. And then you tip over the edge, fluttering around him with a sharp cry. Your eyes fall shut, savoring the five seconds of pleasure before everything falls down all over again. The cards you've built all came tumbling down.The weight of what you've committed. The bittersweet remnants of what you can't have still on the tip of your tongue. Sebastian quickly follows after you, muttering a sharp "Fucking hell" as he spills into you. The warmth of his seed filling you up. 

 

Then he collapses over you, pressing a final kiss to your collarbone before rolling off to lay beside you. Neither of you say anything. You simply lay there, with his warm body radiating the heat you so craved to be engulfed in.

 

_Say you'll remember me_  
_Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset babe_  
_Red lips and rosy cheeks_  
_Say you'll see me again even if it's just in your wildest dreams (ah ah)_  
_Wildest dreams (ah ah)_

 

The breathless attempts to regulate your breathing is the only thing breaking the silence.

 

You feel him turn his head and the temptation is too much. You look at him, your eyes meeting blue ones and it _hurts_. Your chest twists with the knowledge you can only have him for a certain amount of time. That he doesn't go home with you at the end of the day. Today was the final day of set. Everyone was outside, working to clean up the set and return everything back to the vans. After this, you go home.

 

You go home to where Sebastian isn't.

 

Sebastian looks at you, soft blue eyes tracing the lines of your face. His lips quirk ever so slightly, moving his arm to place under his head as leverage. Just front the slight movement, the glint of his ring catches your eye and you turn away. The gold burns into you. The symbol of his love and loyalty promised to someone else. He senses this and swallows. He tears his eyes away, simply staring at the ceiling with you, naked and bare, by his side. You, who is not his wife. The white sheets under the both of you and the four walls of the room, the only witnesses to his betrayal.

 

There's no words when he gets up. No words when he takes his clothes from the ground and begins to put them on again. No words are spoken when he fixes himself at the mirror, looking every bit the same like he did when he first came to your door. Only thing now, is that he's leaving dirtier than before. Even with his spotless white button up, he's dirty. Sebastian doesn't look at you. He can't tell if its from shame or denial or if he's simply afraid to look back and see that everything he wants is right there, curled into the bed with sheets barely maintaining your modesty. He's afraid to look at you, meet your eyes and see what reflects off of them.

If it's just his reflection, or something more.

He's not sure what he would've preferred.

No words are said as he walks to the door and for a moment he hesitates because he knew, just as much as you did, that the moment he walked out that door, everything would be over. The curtains to this play would roll shut.

 

The movie was over and so would this little fantasy life you've deluded yourselves with. 

 

_I said no one has to know what we do_  
_His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room_  
_And his voice is a familiar sound, nothing lasts forever_  
_But this is getting good now_  
_He's so tall, and handsome as hell_  
_He's so bad but he does it so well_  
_And when we've had our very last kiss_  
_But my last request is_

 

You force yourself not to look. Not to watch him leave. Just to spare yourself a little more heartache, you tell yourself not to look over. To see if he ever turned around and hesitate. You tried not to, but you were weak. Always so weak. So weak to fall for him, so weak to allow yourself to get this far. And like the first time you kissed behind closed doors, you fall weak to look at him.

 

Sebastian didn't look back.

 

Not once.

 

And then he's out the door.

 

The following morning, your make up artist asks why your eyes were so puffy. Why you had dark circles under your eyes and why your complexion looked off. You told her you were stressed with the moving coming up. She seemed to believe the lie easily. She didn't seem to question your answer. You didn't tell her you cried yourself to sleep last night. You don't tell her how every time you tried to sleep, his face would appear in your mind and effectively wipe away the fatigue you felt. You don't tell her how you hugged his pillow against your chest, breathing in his cologne and lying to yourself. You don't tell her how you fell in love with a married man.

 

_Say you'll remember me_  
_Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset babe_  
_Red lips and rosy cheeks_  
_Say you'll see me again even if it's just in your wildest dreams (ah ah) (ah ah)_  
_Wildest dreams (ah ah)_

 

You glance at your phone every now and then, wondering if he'd ever send you a message. You wonder if he ever thought of you since then. The number of times you found yourself with your phone in your hand, his contact name right under your finger as you hesitate to call him is laughable. The fact that you, the mistress, holds on to what could be described as an unreachable, unrealistic fantasy is stupid. Disgusting. Simply gross. You take in a breath, shoving your phone into your bag as you get up to finish a photo-shoot.

 

You were on a flight to Tokyo when you saw it. The interview Sebastian had, where he and his wife were together talking about how they were expecting. He smiled so big and you wondered if it really was a loveless marriage like he said. No loveless marriage could ever look like that. He'd smiled, talked about possible baby names, about which gender he preferred to which he answered _either_ , and then he leans down and kisses his wife's forehead. He looks at her fondly. She looks at him the same.

And just like that, your heart had been broken.

 

The pieces of it, stomped into dust until all you could do was turn the TV off with a single tear trail down your face.

* * *

 

 

The assortment of flowers in your dressing room flooded the floor and couch. Sitting alone, staring at yourself in the mirror, you wondered why, no matter how much time goes by, you couldn't forget him. Sebastian's wife was seven months along, a belly full of the love between Sebastian and her. Sebastian was living his life.Living his life like how he did before you. And yet here you were pitiful and hurting.  Sebastian hadn't promised you anything. He didn't say he would leave her, or that he loved you. He never said anything like that. You didn't make him.

You just wanted him any way you could have him, and for that, you were disgusting.

You latched onto a married man and even if he said it was a loveless marriage, it was still that.

Marriage.

Now, on your twenty-fifth birthday, you sat there at your vanity alone. Getting ready for the next shoot, you were supposed to be getting changed. Instead, you asked for a small break to sit down and just...think.

The sudden vibrations on the table snapped you out of your thoughts. You bring it to your face, staring at the screen and found that you received a birthday message from Chris. Like the other cast members from the Avengers had sent, except Sebastian, the messages warmed your heart. A small smile curled on your lips. The smile quickly vanished as confusion set in on the follow up message.

 

_Open the door - C_

 

With furrowed brows, you turned around to look at the door. There was no way, right? You slowly go up, walking around the flowers until you turned the doorknob. The door pulled open and standing outside was Chris, a small smile on his face with a bouquet of flowers in hand with a teddy bear. You don't even get a word in. You had just opened your mouth when he suddenly says:

 

"Would you like to go to dinner tonight?"

 

At the surprise on your face, he flushes red and he starts to rub at the back of his neck.

 

'Only if you want to- I mean, it doesn't have to mean anything but I would like it if-"

"Yes. I'd love to."

 

_You see me in hindsight_  
_Tangled up with you all night_  
_Burn it down_  
_Some day when you leave me_  
_I bet these memories follow you around_  
_You see me in hindsight_  
_Tangled up with you all night_  
_Burnin' it down (burnin' it down)_  
_Some day when you leave me_  
_I bet these memories follow you around (follow you around)_

 

The first date you and Chris had was terrible. Fans from all over the restaurant had interrupted, asking for photos from the both of you. Then there was the paparazzi following the two of you like bloodhounds with a new trail. It hadn't started anything controversial. It was normal for the both of you to go out and have friendly hang outs, only this time, it wasn't so platonic. The press didn't know that. So when you both gave up on going to fancy dinners, you decided, to Chris' relief, to eat at home. You made spaghetti, danced to slow music in the living room and fell asleep on his chest. 

 

He asked for a second date the next morning.

 

You said yes.

 

The second date you had with Chris, you went to a carnival with disguises. It was fun and if you were being honest with yourself, you hadn't smiled so much in years. He made you laugh, smile, and you were beyond comfortable with him. When he offered to give you his hoodie when the sun had set, you couldn't lie that you watched the way his muscles had rippled when he took it off. A warmth spread in the pit of your belly. Cheeks flushes red as you allowed yourself to get swallowed up with his hoodie. It smelled so nice.

Chris walked you home. Every so often you would feel the back of his hand brush against yours and as he walked you up to your door, he gave you that cheeky, warm smile before leaning to press a soft kiss to your cheek.

You forgot to give him his hoodie.

He never asked for it back.

 That night, you blocked Sebastian.

 

The third date you had with Chris, you noticed how Chris's eyes twinkled when he laughed. You noticed how his smile would reach his eyes. You noticed how he would run a hand under his jaw when he was nervous. You noticed how he flushed when you catch him staring. You noticed the look on his face when you talked.

 

That night, you slept with him.

 

The next morning, you were wholeheartedly prepared to see the bed half empty. To see that he had left and so when you turned and found that no one was beside you, you weren't all that surprised. It had hurt, but you had expected this much. Then the smell of eggs wafted into the air. You walked into the kitchen, wrapped up with your sheets to find Chris cooking by the stove shirtless. There was an old song playing, and Chris was dancing to the tune as he whistled. Your cat had strutted toward him, rubbing herself with his leg and he lifted her up, stroking her head fondly before returning to the stove.

 

You walked back to the room without letting him know you were awake and reached for your phone.

 

You deleted Sebastian's number.

 

_Say you'll remember me_  
_Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset babe_  
_Red lips and rosy cheeks_  
_Say you'll see me again even if it's just pretend_

 

The news had hit Sebastian hard. He thought that nothing would ever compare to how he felt when he found out that the baby wasn't his.Though honestly, he shouldn't have been surprised. After all, his wife had been cheating on him for over four years before he started and ended his relationship with you three years ago. Could he really call it that? A relationship? He thought he knew what pain was. He thought nothing could hurt him more than the hard divorce he'd gone through.

 

Then he got a message from Anthony.

 

_Did you know Chris and (y/n) were a thing? Can't believe they've been together for two years already and no one knew. The press is going nuts. Cap getting married will be the biggest news this year._

 

Sebastian didn't bother to reply. He grabbed the remote, flipping through the channels with a thundering heart until he stopped randomly. Sure enough, there you were with Chris by your side, a giant diamond ring on your finger. You were smiling, laughing so beautifully and suddenly Chris leans down to capture your lips in a searing kiss. His chest hurt. He couldn't tear his eyes away. His hands twitched at his sides. He should've called. He should've pressed the call button the times he tried calling you. He should've come to your doorstep, demanded that you talk. He should've told you the truth, should've said he loved you. Should've been a better man and treated you right instead of a mistress. Instead of leverage against his then, cheating spouse.

 

But now, he's too late.

 

You were someone else's fiancé. 

 

He had lost you before he could ever have you.

* * *

 

 

Sebastian wondered if he was part masochist. He had to be. He had to be if he was really there, sitting at one of the chairs, watching as Chris fretted by the altar. He wondered if he should leave. Should he be here in the first place? To find an invitation for him was a surprise in itself, but to actually come and watch you get married off to someone else who wasn't him? That was suicidal. He didn't have the chance to make a quick escape because the song started playing.

 

He stood along with the others and everyone turned to gaze at you. Sebastian told himself not to. He told himself not to look at you wearing that white gown. To not see the most beautiful smile on your face. But he was weak. He was always too weak.

 

He held his breath when he turned.

 

There you were, with your arm around Robert's, in a white gown that fit you so well. Your hair had been done into a bun. Jewels pinned it into the center with the veil draping down. Your lips a vibrant red, eyes shinning with excitement for the new chapter in your life. You were so breathtakingly beautiful. So full of life, happiness and love. Absolutely nothing could have prepared him for this. Because now, in this moment, as you take step by step closer to the altar, Sebastian realizes that _this is actually happening_. There is no script. No lines. No directors to shout "cut" and everything will go back to the way it was. This was reality.

Your reality.

His reality.

Two sentences, two people, two different paths when it could've been one sentence, one couple and one path.

It could've been Sebastian and (Y/n).

Not: Sebastian and then (Y/N).

You were looking up to Chris who was grinning like a fool. The bastard knew he had lucked out. Chris had watched you like a man in love. Like no one in the world could compare because to him, no one could. You owned his heart. Every single part of him. Anyone who saw him would know this to be true. And Sebastian was one of them.

He watched on as you walked by him, not noticing he was staring because you were far too invested on your soon to be husband.

By the time you reach the altar, say your vows and leaned in for the kiss that would forever seal you away, Sebastian was finally strong enough.

 

He was strong enough to look away, but still far too weak to let go.

So when the crowd started yelling, clapping and screaming out their happiness for you, Sebastian had been staring at the marble floor, not seeing, but knowing what they were yelling for.

* * *

 

 

The next time Sebastian sees you was at the Endgame premiere. 

 

Cameras flashed as he, for the first time in a while, walked onto the red carpet by himself. No wife or date by his side. He smiled at the cameras, looking and turning to every direction when the crowd of fans started yelling louder. Sebastian turned to look at where the commotion was and found you stepping out with Chris.

 

You smiled so pretty, red lips spread and cheeks flushed with color. The gorgeous beaded blue gown had matched Chris' tux. It wasn't just your beauty that overwhelmed him. Not the blinding smile on your face, or the new hairstyle you had. No. It was something entirely different. The prominent swell of your belly had his breath caught in his throat. You wrapped a hand around Chris's extended arm and the gold band of your wedding ring gleamed against the flashing lights. You leaned up to kiss Chris's jaw, giggling when you had to wipe away the red staining his skin. But Chris wasn't upset, no, he only looked that much more in love with you.

 

And Sebastian hadn't wanted to admit it, but he saw the same reflect from your eyes.

 

The eyes that once looked at him and watched as your naked bodies fell together. He swallowed down his pride, forced the stinging of tears back because he knew. He turned when you both made your way up the carpet. He didn't look when the crowd yelled louder because he knew you'd kissed then. Just like at the wedding.

 

He sat as far away as he could in the theater.

 

And when the scene came up to where Bucky had kissed Selene (Your character), he had to force back the memories of one night where you both laid side by side, bodies drenched in sweat. You were awake, stroking back his hair as he feigned sleep. He pretended not to hear you as you spoke softly against his skin.

 

"Say you'll remember me. Even when all this is over, you'll remember me."

 

A promise he hadn't responded to because he knew, since the first time you had kissed, that there was no way he would ever forget you. 

He felt a bitter smile curl on his lips when the credits played. He didn't linger back, nor did he take a moment to greet anyone else. He simply stood, turned to the exit and walked. But he stopped, couldn't resist the urge to look back once more to see if you ever watched after him again like all those times before.

So he looked, and a huff of a shaky laugh leaves him because you hadn't even noticed he was there. You were wrapped up in Chris's arms, smiling into his chest like you belonged there. And maybe you do. Maybe he was just a chapter in your life and Chris was a whole separate story.

Maybe this was exactly how it was supposed to play out.

But regardless, he knew the unspoken promise would be kept. He would never forget you. Hardly ever woke up without thinking of your name. You didn't even need to ask him of that.

But Sebastian wonders what face you would've made a few years ago. What your reaction would've been had he told you of your reality now.

That he didn't forget you, but you forgot him. 

_Say you'll remember me_  
_Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset babe_  
_Red lips and rosy cheeks_  
_Say you'll see me again even if it's just (just pretend, just pretend) in your wildest dreams (ah ah)_  
_In your wildest dreams (ah ah)_  
_Even if it's just in your wildest dreams (ah ah)_  
_In your wildest dreams (ah ah)_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ive been so angsty. Should I write a Bucky version of this?


End file.
